Hi, it’s Kim again! Thanks for continuing to read my story.
In my initial post, I promised to share with you my experiences with drug addiction, mental health, and treatment. During treatment, I realized the moment that was the catalyst for my drug use. I guess that is the best place to start by telling my story.
I want to start by saying I am in no way blaming my friend Zach for my actions at all. I am one hundred percent responsible for my own decisions and actions. Zach and I are still friends to this day, and he never struggled with the dependency issues I went through. He does suffer from anxiety and depression (like many people do), but he did not experience psychosis, like me. Every person’s chemical makeup is different and will react to drugs differently. I may well have gotten into hallucinogenic drugs without Zach, but who knows. Again, I’m not blaming him at all; I just want to start at the beginning of the story.
I was fifteen years old and a sophomore in high school. Zach was one of my closest friends. We ate lunch at the same table and sat next to each other in Spanish class. Zach and I often got together on weekends to hang out. We would mostly just drive around drinking iced coffee and window-shopping. There wasn’t much for teens to do in our small town.
Over winter break Zach and his family went to Mexico for vacation. When we came back to school, Zach seemed so different. It wasn’t necessarily a bad change. He was quieter and more thoughtful. He didn’t say anything negative or mean about anybody anymore. Sometimes he would just start crying tears of either sadness or joy out of nowhere. I asked what on earth had gotten into him and why he was acting so strange.
He told me how on his family vacation he had snuck away and joined a traditional ayahuasca ceremony. I had never heard of ayahuasca, but Zach described it as a natural tea drink that gives people hallucinations and visions that reveal the secrets of the universe. I was skeptical, but as Zach described his experience to me, I became curious to try it out myself.
Zach said it had been a profound and life-changing experience and that he would recommend it to anyone. He said he felt like he knew himself better than before and felt so connected with the world and everyone in it. He felt more compassionate and patient and wanted to spread light. He was said he was learning to embrace instead of suppressing his emotions, and that’s why he was openly crying all the time now.
I wanted the life-changing experience Zach promised, but the problem was ayahuasca is not legal in the United States. I would have to figure out a way to get my hands on it.